self destruction, no pain

since I am functionally retarded, I now have a broken rib. did heavy snatch grip deadlifts last week and something felt iffy on my left side. ”maybe a strained muscle or something, just push through.”

two days later while warming up for squats with belt something broke when I hit the hole. it took some willpower to stand up, even though the load was light. took four days off to recuperate and be angry. yesterdays bench session hurt more than it should have, doing proper stops on chest on progression sets was not an enjoyable sensation. every physical action more straining than smiling hurts.

going through a rough patch professionally. while having done nothing wrong (that I’m aware of), I seriously doubt I make the cut. a constant feeling of underwhelming performance is hanging over me, just waiting for someone to discover I don’t belong and kick me out. feeling like this makes me…moody. hopefully it will go away soon.

be good to each other.

Publicerat i Uncategorized | 2 kommentarer

venite et sumam eam

a nice cover of the brilliant song by elvis costello. I really dislike the hushing noises in the original, even they are there for a reason.

finally feel like I’m starting to bounce back physically after a few backlashes earlier this year (coach passed, tore a femoral muscle, the greatest man-cold ever witnessed). world records are, as usual, still out of reach but I can realistically imagine setting a PR or two before years end.

the last three months I have made an effort to learn certain things where I have found myself lacking the skill level I desire. for example I have worked more with the ultrasound with the aim to be faster and more accurate when it really matters and I have picked up re-learning german (doing it together with my SO, competition style).

also, body weight is down to 113 kg from 120 kg. it felt semi-motivated to be on the fat side when squatting heavy three times per week as I told myself it was to increase recovery speed. looking back it felt pretty good mentally while lifting but it sucks to be a blob when you know that you won’t even compare to your lifting partners (sure, they compete at IPF worlds, but still…).

working on the box squat has shown, or reminded me of, several important things I need to work on: greater control of the movement on the way down, upper body position on the way up, weight distribution between feet, bar placement.

  1. control on the way down: I tell myself that with greater control, or by better planning ahead if you will, I provide a better opportunity for actually succeeding with the second half of the squat. which brings us to…
  2. upper body on the way up: especially when tired, I tend to lose back control and raise legs much faster than the shoulders (fucking brytböj).
  3. weight distribution: I squat primarily with by left leg, which also carries most of the loaded weight. if I use both legs to squat I might be able to handle heavier loads.
  4. bar placement: I drop my right shoulder, which is accentuated by me not standing in the middle of the bar. basic stuff, really.

that’s that. be good to each other.

Publicerat i bench press, squat, weightlifting | 3 kommentarer

the word is given

I have now managed to squat every session for two weeks, without issue. left leg is healing. the weights are silly but still. got input from one of the more senior lifter and he suggested I do more box squats, so that is definitely on the menu from now on.

work is currently quite interesting and I try to do what I can to increase my chances of a meaningful future. there is one thing I’d like to try, let’s see if I can make that happen.

be good to each other.

Publicerat i squat, stuff | Märkt , , | 2 kommentarer

a change of plans

went lifting yesterday morning to prepare for my night shift in the ER. tore my shoelaces when setting up for squatting, so I decided to use machines instead of tripping and killing myself. however, the machine also broke and I almost knocked out my teeth. having barely escaped with my life I decided to do leg extensions.  did a couple of sets before tearing something on the inside of the my left leg (guessing m vastus med sin). the time plan for doing a 230 kg squat just got bumped up.

guess my bench will get a lot more attention during the coming weeks.

be good to each other.

Publicerat i bench press, squat | 4 kommentarer

weakness of the body

the boys might turn out to be a decent television series. I really enjoyed the comic and hope that the same atmosphere can be carried over to another format. maybe my enthusiasm mostly stem from the feeling of rebelling against a messed up hierarchy. about the seemingly weak people doing stuff that matters. or maybe it’s just that I enjoy violent comics.

I enjoy lifting stuff. end of message.

be good to each other.

Publicerat i bench press, squat | Lämna en kommentar

into the breach

I like this song even though I don’t like beer.

new years eve was a very dynamic night at work. the expectation for tonight is about the same, if the text messages I’ve gotten during the day are anything to go by.

goals for 2019 are:

  • be a better partner
  • paint more
  • get stronger (500 lbs squat, a pretty 315 lbs bench)

got a lifting session in this morning, before going back to sleep. squatted 5×5 187.5 kg, my poverty bench for the day was 3×3 120 kg. assistance was pin presses, barbell row and some cable stuff.

be good to each other.

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average smart, average strong

enjoying a few days off from work, will be back in the ER on new years eve.

while my so is away doing something she loves, I’m at home reading, listening to music and petting cats. in short, enjoying life.

slowly getting through the pile of books to read. finished ”sapiens” recently, not very impressed. interesting but I think many of the points were made, and eloquently elaborated on, in ”why the west rules – for now” which came out a couple of years ago. ”musicophilia” by oliver sacks is an entertaining read. I’ve read other things he wrote, and this is just as interesting. the feeling is that I read for fun but learning stuff that can possibly be beneficial at work.

after almost every lifting session I feel ”my performance sucked AGAIN”. while this is not necessarily objectively true it is the feeling I’m left with leaving the gym. maybe I have too high expectations on myself?

recent squatting feats are 5x 197.5 kg, 12x 170 kg and a taxing session just the other day where I went 3+3+2 at 200, 3x 190 and 3+3 at 180. with regards to pressing, I’m still the proud owner of a poverty bench but at least I can bang out 2×6 at 125kg any given day.

coach is getting worse. we’ve talked a bit more about death lately. he still comes to the gym almost every day but hardly lifts anything.

Publicerat i bench press, squat | 2 kommentarer