since I am functionally retarded, I now have a broken rib. did heavy snatch grip deadlifts last week and something felt iffy on my left side. ”maybe a strained muscle or something, just push through.”
two days later while warming up for squats with belt something broke when I hit the hole. it took some willpower to stand up, even though the load was light. took four days off to recuperate and be angry. yesterdays bench session hurt more than it should have, doing proper stops on chest on progression sets was not an enjoyable sensation. every physical action more straining than smiling hurts.
going through a rough patch professionally. while having done nothing wrong (that I’m aware of), I seriously doubt I make the cut. a constant feeling of underwhelming performance is hanging over me, just waiting for someone to discover I don’t belong and kick me out. feeling like this makes me…moody. hopefully it will go away soon.
a nice cover of the brilliant song by elvis costello. I really dislike the hushing noises in the original, even they are there for a reason.
finally feel like I’m starting to bounce back physically after a few backlashes earlier this year (coach passed, tore a femoral muscle, the greatest man-cold ever witnessed). world records are, as usual, still out of reach but I can realistically imagine setting a PR or two before years end.
the last three months I have made an effort to learn certain things where I have found myself lacking the skill level I desire. for example I have worked more with the ultrasound with the aim to be faster and more accurate when it really matters and I have picked up re-learning german (doing it together with my SO, competition style).
also, body weight is down to 113 kg from 120 kg. it felt semi-motivated to be on the fat side when squatting heavy three times per week as I told myself it was to increase recovery speed. looking back it felt pretty good mentally while lifting but it sucks to be a blob when you know that you won’t even compare to your lifting partners (sure, they compete at IPF worlds, but still…).
working on the box squat has shown, or reminded me of, several important things I need to work on: greater control of the movement on the way down, upper body position on the way up, weight distribution between feet, bar placement.
control on the way down: I tell myself that with greater control, or by better planning ahead if you will, I provide a better opportunity for actually succeeding with the second half of the squat. which brings us to…
upper body on the way up: especially when tired, I tend to lose back control and raise legs much faster than the shoulders (fucking brytböj).
weight distribution: I squat primarily with by left leg, which also carries most of the loaded weight. if I use both legs to squat I might be able to handle heavier loads.
bar placement: I drop my right shoulder, which is accentuated by me not standing in the middle of the bar. basic stuff, really.
I have now managed to squat every session for two weeks, without issue. left leg is healing. the weights are silly but still. got input from one of the more senior lifter and he suggested I do more box squats, so that is definitely on the menu from now on.
work is currently quite interesting and I try to do what I can to increase my chances of a meaningful future. there is one thing I’d like to try, let’s see if I can make that happen.
went lifting yesterday morning to prepare for my night shift in the ER. tore my shoelaces when setting up for squatting, so I decided to use machines instead of tripping and killing myself. however, the machine also broke and I almost knocked out my teeth. having barely escaped with my life I decided to do leg extensions. did a couple of sets before tearing something on the inside of the my left leg (guessing m vastus med sin). the time plan for doing a 230 kg squat just got bumped up.
guess my bench will get a lot more attention during the coming weeks.
the boys might turn out to be a decent television series. I really enjoyed the comic and hope that the same atmosphere can be carried over to another format. maybe my enthusiasm mostly stem from the feeling of rebelling against a messed up hierarchy. about the seemingly weak people doing stuff that matters. or maybe it’s just that I enjoy violent comics.
new years eve was a very dynamic night at work. the expectation for tonight is about the same, if the text messages I’ve gotten during the day are anything to go by.
goals for 2019 are:
be a better partner
paint more
get stronger (500 lbs squat, a pretty 315 lbs bench)
got a lifting session in this morning, before going back to sleep. squatted 5×5 187.5 kg, my poverty bench for the day was 3×3 120 kg. assistance was pin presses, barbell row and some cable stuff.
enjoying a few days off from work, will be back in the ER on new years eve.
while my so is away doing something she loves, I’m at home reading, listening to music and petting cats. in short, enjoying life.
slowly getting through the pile of books to read. finished ”sapiens” recently, not very impressed. interesting but I think many of the points were made, and eloquently elaborated on, in ”why the west rules – for now” which came out a couple of years ago. ”musicophilia” by oliver sacks is an entertaining read. I’ve read other things he wrote, and this is just as interesting. the feeling is that I read for fun but learning stuff that can possibly be beneficial at work.
after almost every lifting session I feel ”my performance sucked AGAIN”. while this is not necessarily objectively true it is the feeling I’m left with leaving the gym. maybe I have too high expectations on myself?
recent squatting feats are 5x 197.5 kg, 12x 170 kg and a taxing session just the other day where I went 3+3+2 at 200, 3x 190 and 3+3 at 180. with regards to pressing, I’m still the proud owner of a poverty bench but at least I can bang out 2×6 at 125kg any given day.
coach is getting worse. we’ve talked a bit more about death lately. he still comes to the gym almost every day but hardly lifts anything.
the above song is in swedish but might still be enjoyable for everyone. she is not angry, just disappointed. which is worse.
training is coming along nicely given it is merely one of many parts of life. recently I became curious how much I could squat (9x 175 kg, 5x 195kg and worked up to a single at 212.5 kg the morning after working the night shift). my plan for 230 kg is set. hopefully senior coach lives long enough to see it.
bench is more of a problem. yesterday I did an easy single at 135 kg, followed by 10x 100 and 9x 105. all with pause, of course. a great increase compared to a few years back. that is a small comfort, however, when all my training partners routinely bench between 170 kg and 220 kg each training session. regardless, the long term goal of 150 kg stands (just like cadia).
work is great. I’m learning so much stuff every day. even on my days off, I find the energy to read material related to the profession and I thoroughly enjoy it. a few weeks ago, by necessity, we set up a temporary mini-ICU at an ordinary ward. our efforts were successful, btw.
in powerlifting, there are apparently not three but four lifts/exercises with the fourth and final being eating. how fitting, since I am on the well-known see food-diet: I see food, I eat it.
currently on a six week long vacation. struggling to find a daily rhythm with less stress and more life. being a stay-at-home husband suits me perfectly. my only issue with this is actually finishing the housework before my better half comes home from work.
the actual lifting is slowly progressing ”just as planned”. current status: squats are ok, bench is ok, deadlift is improving. each training session, I’m doing 30 work reps (5×6) each of two of the lifts. nothing fancy, but it’s enjoyable.
christmas holiday was great, as usual. not that I am overly religious but getting time off from work makes it a worthwhile holiday in my book.
last week ended pretty dramatically. luckily, I was surrounded by calm and experienced colleagues. to them it was business as usual, I guess. some of the things that happened were things I hoped to avoid for some time yet. nonetheless, I am grateful for being a part of the events that occurred. valuable lessons learned. also, filled with amazement and admiration when seeing my colleagues work. they rock.
took a few days off from lifting. working 8am until 10pm for a week straight makes me wanna do that. went to visit my friend, the eleiko powerlifting bar, yesterday. got a few good sets of squats (4×2 182.5 kg) and bench (3×6 120 kg) in. then, as always, tons of volume. joked around a bit with the real lifters (world, european and national titles), briefly considered to start using PEDs. quickly decided against it due to illegal, dangerous, expensive, dangerous, I’m not a competitor, also dangerous and illegal.
bought a slingshot for shitz and gigglez. let’s see how I get an easy 150 kg bench in a year or two with this marvelous piece of equipment.
lyfta på jobbet 
